


to be better

by gigglesandfreckles



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: FebuWhump2021, Hurt/Comfort, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Positive Jedi Comunication, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:34:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29335371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gigglesandfreckles/pseuds/gigglesandfreckles
Summary: the Council has lost a planet, much to Anakin and Obi-Wan's dismay. they've been tasked with finding it, but after nine hyperspace jumps and a painful discovery, Obi-Wan teaches his former Padawan one more lesson.(or: the boys talk about failure and feelings when Obi-Wan finds out Anakin's mechno-arm has been causing pain for a couple years)
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 11
Kudos: 159





	to be better

**Author's Note:**

> ah yes, another febuwhump prompt fill with far too many words for tumblr, so I'm dumping it here instead. :-)
> 
> day 10: 'i'm sorry. i didn't know.'

“How many different coordinates are they going to give us before they just admit that they don’t know where we’re going?”

Obi-Wan scratched at his beard. “I agree, it _is_ getting a bit ridiculous.”

“It’s past ridiculous, Master. It’s a waste of time and resources when there’s an entire _war_ going on–”

“The Council thought these negotiations would be key to the war effort.”

“Then, why am I here?” Anakin said hotly. He leaned over the control board in the small cockpit, deftly navigating the panel. Obi-Wan watched the automatic movements with a small smile of pride. It was so _easy_ to his former Padawan; always had been. He still remembered when Anakin’s arms hadn’t quite been able to reach the upper panels. “Everyone knows I’m terrible at diplomacy.”

“Not _terrible_ , just–”

“More inclined to settle things with my saber,” Anakin finished, in a rather pathetic attempt at mimicking Obi-Wan.

“Well...yes.”

Anakin adjusted the scopes again and punched in the new coordinates. “Hang on. Here we go.”

Obi-Wan fastened his own seatbelt and shot an admonishing look toward Anakin, who was still half hanging out of his chair. Old habits die hard, he supposed.

The jump was as quick as usual, but Obi-Wan had to steel himself against it anyway. Nine jumps in one day was excessive, by any standards, and Obi-Wan’s equilibrium had been flipped inside out all day long. At least, this time, he didn’t have any food in his system to _lose_.

“ _Force_ ,” he groaned, rubbing at his temple. “You might have to leave me at these coordinates, regardless of whether they’re right or not. I’m not sure I can survive another jump.”

Anakin didn’t reply. An excuse to openly complain and whine and his former Padawan _hadn’t_ taken it? Strange.

Obi-Wan turned toward the pilot’s seat. Anakin’s eyes were clenched shut.

“Anakin?”

His eyes flew open, widening for a split second, before his face fell back into a neutral position.

“Anakin...what’s wrong?”

“Huh?” He turned back to the controls. “Oh, nothing, just...hoping this is our missing planet.”

Obi-Wan watched the younger man for a moment more, but then turned back to the front viewport, watching the green planet expand in front of them.

“This isn’t the _first_ time the Jedi have lost a planet, you know,” he grumbled.

Anakin chuckled. “Yeah, don’t worry–I heard _all_ about the time Yoda and the younglings dunked on you about Kamino.”

He scoffed. “I was _right_ about Kamino!”

“Whatever helps you keep your dignity intact,” Anakin grinned. “How are composition levels looking?”

Obi-Wan scanned the metres. “Nitrogen is good. Oxygen is low, but not unlivable. And– _oh._ ” He looked back at Anakin with a grimace. “Argon is unreasonably high.”

Anakin smashed his face onto the control panel. “Are you _kidding me?_ ” He groaned, stretching backwards in the pilot’s seat. “I’m beginning to think this planet doesn’t _exist_.”

“I’ll contact the Council. You re-dock us with the wake jumper.”

Anakin huffed, but sat back up in his seat. Obi-Wan turned to move in to the small briefing room, but stopped in the doorway at Anakin’s cry.

He turned abruptly. “Anakin?”

The other Jedi didn’t respond.

Obi-Wan rushed back toward him. “What happened?” Anakin’s eyes were clenched tight and his entire body was tensed up and out of the seat in pain.

“Anakin, what’s gotten–”

“It _hurts,_ ” he barely managed.

“ _What_ hurts?” Obi-Wan’s eyes searched over his former Padawan, eyebrows dipped low in concern. Everything seemed to be in order. Besides, he had only walked away for a few _seconds_. What could have possibly happened in that short of time?

“ _Arm,_ ” Anakin groaned, clutching it to his chest.

“Arm?” Obi-Wan frowned, looking at the gloved hand being gripped at the wrist. “Your mechno?”

The younger Jedi managed a tiny nod.

“Let me see,” Obi-Wan said quickly, reaching for the arm. Anakin shot away from him, completing coming out of his seat and falling back against the panel. Obi-Wan’s eyebrows furrowed deeper. “Anakin…”

“I’m fine,” he said quickly, even though his teeth were still clenched and his face was paler than it should be. “Really, I’m just...I was just being dramatic, as usual. But I’m...I’m fine, Obi-Wan–”

Obi-Wan folded his arms across his chest and lifted an eyebrow, surveying his former apprentice. The man was far too old to cower away from Obi-Wan like he was doing right now. Dramatic, _indeed_.

“Anakin,” he said, softly, but with a hint of exasperation. It was too easy to slide back into that role–teacher, father, brother, whatever he had been to Anakin for all those years. Still was, really. He’d asked Mace once about grown-up Padawans and what the role of a Master was after knighting. Mace had given a sad sort of smile and shrugged. The worst kept secret of the Jedi Order was that no one really knew what to do with all the leftover care and concern when they didn't need you anymore. “Please let me help you.”

Anakin chewed on his lip, as he always did when he was thinking. Then, finally, a small sigh. He pushed his sleeves up and unbuckled his glove, then slipped it off.

Obi-Wan’s hand went to his mouth and his stomach rolled over on itself.

“ _Force_ , Padawan,” he whispered, lightly grabbing the outstretched metal fingers. “What–what _happened?_ ”

Anakin looked very much like he wanted to change his mind and pull away. The place where the metal grafted with the flesh near his elbow was green and purple–a deep sickening bruise, spreading out and over his entire upper arm. There were puss pockets along the grafting and a bloodied mess of a rash.

“It’s the jumps...the mechanics in the arm can’t–” He swallowed and shut his eyes in pain. “They can’t handle the pressure of hyperspace.”

“It’s always been like this?” Obi-Wan murmured, turning the arm over in his hand.

“Yeah,” Anakin muttered, flinching as Obi-Wan’s fingers lightly grazed the dark bruising. “But I normally don’t jump... _nine times_ in a day,” he chuckled self-deprecatingly.

“I’m sorry,” Obi-Wan sighed, his heart wrenching. “I didn’t know.”

Anakin gave a one arm shrug. An attempt at complacency. Obi-Wan knew it too well to fall for it. “S’okay. I never–I never told you.”

Obi-Wan looked up at him, unashamed of the waves of worry he was urging through what remained of their bond. “I wish you would have. We can...I’ll have Master Che fix it and–”

“No, no...it’s fine. I...there are more important things than my stupid _arm_. I’ve been trying to work on it myself, actually, but–but…”

“The rash,” Obi-Wan nodded in understanding. “Anakin, you are talented in so many things, my young friend, but–you should not be expected to complete procedures on your _own body_. The Halls of Healing can–”

“ _No_ ,” Anakin said harshly, then looked at the floor apologetically. “I...I know how to fix it. It’s the mechno grip. It...it tightens with the pressure of orbit, so I just need to change the sensors. Make them less sensitive and more stable.”

“You’re sure that will work?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I’ve...I’ve been doing the research for a while. Just can’t get the angle with my good hand.”

“Research?” Obi-Wan lifted an eyebrow and offered a half-smile.

Anakin ducked under his gaze and rolled his eyes. “I know where the Archives are, Master.” He huffed in laughter. “I just don’t like to _live_ in there, like _you_ do.”

Obi-Wan allowed a smile at that, but then looked at Anakin, more seriously. “Would it…” A deep breath. “Is it something I can help you with?”

Anakin’s eyes widened for a second and Obi-Wan felt his floored shock through their bond. It was overwhelming sometimes, how much Anakin could _feel_. But his face evened out and he stood a little taller. “No, it’s fine. I can do it.”

“Anakin–”

“ _Master_.” Anakin wrenched his eyes shut again. “It’s...I’m not...I’m not _proud_ of this arm, okay? It reminds me that I...that I wasn’t good enough.”

“Weren't good–”

“But when it hurts, I...I remember. It motivates me to–work harder. Be _better_.”

Obi-Wan slowly dropped into the chair across from Anakin, his heart pounding as he listened to his Padawan’s moment of rare vulnerability.

“On Geonosis, I was too weak, but...I can be _strong_ , I know I can. And–and the pain in my arm...it _helps_ me. I feel it and I _remember_. I won’t fail like that again. Geonosis, Mortis, Tatooine…”

“Tatooine?” Obi-Wan frowned.

Anakin jumped, like he’d only just remembered Obi-Wan was there. “I…” His eyes flickered wildly. A cornered animal. Then–composure. “Thank you, Master. For the offer. But...I–I need this.”

Obi-Wan took a deep breath. “May I say something that you’re not going to enjoy hearing?”

The younger Jedi’s eyes bulged a bit, like he was shocked Obi-Wan was _asking_. “Uh...yes?”

“You _will_ fail again.” he said quietly. “The most unfortunate but true thing we are promised by the Force is that we will always fail again.”

“But–”

Obi-Wan held up a hand. “I know I’m not your Master anymore, but–Anakin, I would truly appreciate you allowing me to teach you this lesson.”

Anakin nodded, anticipating thrumming through their bond.

“Master Yoda says that failure is a gift–that it allows us to learn and grow. To become a better version of ourselves. But, Anakin, young one, I am...concerned...at your definition of ‘better.’” He frowned. “As a Jedi, our scope must remain fixed on the galaxy around us. How can we _better_ it? How can we _become_ better so that it will _be_ better? It is not a matter of becoming...more. Greater. In fact, I...I believe to become more, we must in fact become less. It is only when we have an accurate view of ourselves, being small and finite, in this galaxy–that we can truly meet any sort of potential.” He paused. “Do you understand this?”

Anakin gave a small nod. “I think so.”

“You do not need that physical reminder of your failure to grow. That’s...masochism. It’s not the Jedi way.” He tilted his head. “Your arm is gone. That is a fact and one I admit that I have...I have spent too much time dwelling on myself. Blaming myself for.” He smoothed out a crease of the robe in his lap. “But it brings new challenges. You are not expected to live with the weight of past failures. The Jedi... _I_ want you to experience a full life, free from unnecessary pain and anguish. There will be enough of that, without you inflicting it upon yourself.”

Anakin’s eyes were wide and gleaming. Obi-Wan looked away, knowing how much his student despised when he caught him crying.

“ _Please_ let me help you fix this, my Padawan.”

In his peripheral, he saw a small nod and heard a tiny murmur. 

“ _Okay._ ”

**Author's Note:**

> I just love nostalgic young-but-old-man Obi who can't help but love his former Padawan. and Anakin who, after all these years, still can't quite understand how loved he IS. but on the flip side, it hurts me to think of Obi-Wan's relationship with failure...'I have failed you, Anakin. I. Have. Failed. You.'
> 
> thanks for reading and, as always, comments/kudos are greatly appreciated.
> 
> follow along with my Star Wars hyperfixation on my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/giggles-and-freckles)!


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